brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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