i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
