I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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