i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
