hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He felt like a one man threesome
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
