just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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