lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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