Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
