Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
