he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
