Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize