I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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