why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize