hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
