you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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