I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
