I can text with my tongue
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
