Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
