Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
