My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
