Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
