mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
