Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
