My cat gives me a boner
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
