Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
