k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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