I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
