oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
