He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
