at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
