Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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