Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
