Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
kristin has been a bad kristin
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
