do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
