I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
