I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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