so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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