Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
