you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
