Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
