Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
