so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
