How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
