i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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