Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
