I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
