is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
