I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize