I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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