she woke up with a sticky ear
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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