i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
