i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
