cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
