I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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