theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
