if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
