Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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