i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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