She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
