Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
