is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
