he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
