TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
