y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
