PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
