There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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