you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
