Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
