why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
