I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
