guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize
