I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
