Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
