I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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