he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
