I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize